It’s been a LONG time since I have
written and posted a blog. To be honest,
I didn’t think anyone cared or needed to read about my thoughts. It’s difficult to put so much of yourself out
there so that others can eavesdrop and judge.
There are the rare few who actually identify with some of what I write,
but you never really know what’s going on in the mind of the reader. That stated I feel the need to write. Here it goes.
Something has been bugging me. In the last month I have been told 1. my
intellect and wit intimidate men, and 2. I’m jaded because I’ve had so many
negative experiences with dates. Wait,
what? I should tone down my intellectual
side AND put aside my opinions about the men whom I have dated? Okay, I get it that not all men
are comfortable with a woman who is a bit of a nerd. I mean, look at all the teen movies based on
the premise that the smart girl needs to be made over to tone down her nerdiness. But does it have to be a bad thing? I thought people would outgrow this as we all
became adults. I was under the impression men actually preferred a woman who could hold a conversation.
As I write on this subject, I have
to admit to a bit of a double standard. I
judge men based on their intellect. I
can think of a particular potential suitor when I was in high school
who fell victim to my judgment. He was a
star football player from another school, and he was gorgeous! I was so shy, and I couldn’t believe he was talking to me. But as we got into a conversation, I used the
word monopolize. He stopped and asked, “What does that word mean?”
I was dumbfounded. I politely
explained the meaning then excused myself from the conversation. I never went out with him. We never spoke again. I couldn’t see myself dating someone who
wouldn’t understand my vocabulary. How
would we communicate? It mattered – even
in high school.
Flash forward to 2006. I was venturing out into the dating world for
the first time after divorce. I was
contacted by a nice man with great taste in music (also a mandatory trait in my
book). We talked for hours by
phone. I remember beaming to my
colleagues about how perfect this man was.
After all, he had the best vocabulary of any man I had ever
encountered. His title has only been
challenged by one other man, a Ph.D. candidate. I would sit listening to him speak mentally noting each word he used with ease. It wasn't contrived or awkward.
Neither relationship worked out,
but I enjoyed the art of conversation with these two men because they knew how
use words to express their ideas. It’s
not just about having a large vocabulary; it’s about being able to understand
the nuances of language and dialogue.
You have to win my head before my heart.
I think maybe this is where the idea that I’m jaded comes into
play. I’m not very good at feigning
interest once it’s lost. And if your conversation skills are limited, I lose interest quickly.
Conversation and mutual interest
are essential in a relationship. If we
spend too much time talking about a man’s interest in tennis, or his
possessions, or if he overuses a certain adjective, I’m going to check
out. I’ll try to be polite. I’ll smile and nod at all the right times,
but there won’t be a follow-up date. Basically, I couldn’t care less if
a man thinks I’m too smart for him. If
he does, maybe he needs to pick up a book from time to time. I’m not a genius. I’m not a MENSA member. I’m a woman who has always valued her education. I’m not going to dumb it down
to give a guy an ego boost, so get over it.
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